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Gaming as Other Rants

Being a P.O.C. and a Gamer in 2020

My Star Wars Smuggler Character

 

 I wrote a blog post over 3 years ago about this exact subject, but from a standpoint of it being 2017, not 2020. (it is surprising at how relevant this is given the climate today…)

Before this whole pandemic started, I went to my local gaming store, and they were having a Magic card tourney as well as several tables playing some tabletop rpg games.  As I looked around, I had this instant feeling of being out of place in something that I love.  I went home and started to think on this feeling.  I am a geek and a nerd; I recognize that I like things that other POC do not like or know anything about.  I like both video games, tabletop roleplaying games, LARPing, board games, and card games.  I know these things and accept these truths.  But this day I felt so out of place, it was unnerving.

Sitting at home, my mind wandered back to that day.  Those thoughts were running full tilt through my head, on how I do not belong there, what right do I have to even think that I can compare to these guys.  Then in that same breath, in my head popped, you do not even belong into your own racial community.  You do not listen to hip-hop, act like a “playa”, or are big into sports. (I like sports, I am just not a fanatic about it.)

I feel so out of place, so much so, that I started second guessing my desire to be a writer/TTRPG game designer/game reviewer.  How dare I try to be in an industry dominated by Caucasian males who “really” do not want POC in their wheelhouse.  I am a man outside of two worlds.  I do not know where I fit in, and that fills me with fear and dread.  I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, (and to be clear, I am happy to be a geek/nerd/gamer) but not being able to share who I am with others, saddens me.

Maybe I should just roll with the punches and keep on keeping on…

Categories
Gaming as Other

I’m Tired

Misha B

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being let down by officials who are supposed to be “serving” the public and only serve white supremacy.

I’m tired of people complaining that they can’t relate to a Black or female character in a game or movie because they “don’t look like me” when I’ve been expected to do the same with white male characters my whole life.

I’m tired of wondering when I step out of my door if I will get to walk back in again or if I’ll wake up when I go to sleep.

I’m tired of moderating my tone so I don’t sound angry and my words actually have a chance of being heard.

I’m tired of being told to calm down when I’m not upset or angry, just telling an inconvenient truth that someone doesn’t want to hear.

I’m tired of supposed allies not listening to what we…

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Categories
Game Design

Dark Fae Story Idea

darkfaemale

The beginnings of a story idea…

Centuries ago a Dark Fae names Azrael committed an ultimate sin by having an affair with a Summer Fae named Holly.  This went against the laws of both the Summer and Winter courts.  When the truth was found out, both were banished to the world of the living.

Unknown to Azrael, Holly realized that they both made a mistake, and appealed to the Summer and Winter Queens to end their banishment.  After a short deliberation, both Queens agreed to allow her to come back to the Summer Court, but in a stunning turn of events, the Winter Queen did not want Azrael to come back to the Winter Court.

For centuries, Azrael sought out his lost love, not knowing that she was back in the Summer Court.  He became despondent, turning to various vices to fill the void, but to no avail.  Then he tried finding love from ordinary humans, but none could survive the ordeal of being loved by a Fae.  The humans that went missing over the years became a string of unsolved disappearances that have various police departments baffled.